Waiting

It feels like I have spent a lot of my life in times of waiting. Waiting to find my husband, waiting for jobs, waiting for a child, waiting to purchase a home, waiting for answers to prayer, waiting for healing, and on and on it goes.  I’m sure you relate.  I must not have learned all I am supposed to about this topic because we find ourselves, once again in a time of waiting.  After finishing everything to become licensed foster/adoptive parents, we have now spent about 5 months waiting for a placement.  It’s been hard for me and I am struggling every day that this drags on.  I know the truth: that God is sovereign over all things, that He has the perfect child(ren) for us to foster/adopt, and that He will bring it all about in His perfect timing and will.  But while I sit every day with this anxious anticipation in my mind, I sometimes forget the truths I know so well.  

Waiting is hard because it feels like doing nothing.  I’m a doer, I see what needs to be done and I handle it.  So waiting for something outside of my control is a serious test in patience.  I want to be “fixing” the problem. I want to be making phone calls and office visits and finding out what is going on.  But all I can do is pray once again, “Lord, please bring us the right child, in your timing and your will. And help me to trust you today when the call doesn’t come.” And while “only praying” can feel like not doing very much, I know better.  I know that prayer often IS the work He has called us to and it isn’t nothing. 

I have been through much longer and more difficult times of waiting so I have learned many things.  It’s too bad I keep forgetting what I have learned!  I decided I needed to write down  these reminders today, to see them with my eyes and pray they settle in my spirit.  These are truths I KNOW because I have experienced each one in the past. I hope they reach you right where you are today.

1. God is GOOD - this never ever ever changes and I can trust that He has my good in mind, even when I don’t understand my circumstance.
2. God is SOVEREIGN - just because there are case workers, parents, courts, etc. involved in this particular part of our life, doesn’t mean God isn’t there.  He is over all of those things and His Will will be accomplished in spite of, and through, people.  I can trust that.
3. There are many BLESSINGS that come from waiting - I can look back and see a lot of things in my life that came directly from periods of waiting.  A deeper prayer life, wisdom, ministry to others, all of these are blessings God has given me that came through waiting.  I wouldn’t trade any of them!
4. Precious FRIENDSHIPS - I have several close relationships that were built through shared experiences of waiting.  And so many people who have joined us in prayer during certain times of our lives.  These bonds don’t go away and I am so thankful to have built these lasting friendships even though they were built through hard times.
5. PEACE that comes from Christ, not circumstances - Ultimately, I am most thankful for the supernatural peace that God brings to me even when I am questioning why.  It is not from me, and it certainly isn’t from my circumstances.  It can only be from the Lord.  

Well, there you go.  Five things we can rest in today, five things we can be thankful for even as we wait.  I hope and pray that some day in the future I have a different kind of update for you, one about our new foster child and how you can pray for us as we transition.  But today, I only have this: we continue to wait, we continue to pray, we continue to struggle, and we continue to trust in the only One we can.

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica

Proverbs 31 Series #1

If you are a girl who has grown up in the church at all, you have probably been very familiar with the Proverbs 31 woman.  This particular passage of scripture is referenced frequently.  To be honest, even though I have read these verses many times, I have never taken the time to really study them and meditate over them.  I have decided to do that now, and I plan on writing a few blogs as I go through them to hopefully encourage you to join me in seeking to be a wife of noble character!

Let’s be honest up front and admit that this passage of scripture is intimidating.  I read these verses and come away feeling like a failure.  Who can possibly live up to this kind of woman?  The truth is, NONE of us can.  We can’t be completely perfect in every area of our lives and that is why we need Jesus and his grace.  But, that shouldn’t stop us from working to be more and more like this woman, in order to honor the Lord and to be a support to our husbands. 

It’s interesting to note that Proverbs chapter 31 begins by saying, “The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him.”  This whole chapter comes from King Lemuel’s mother.  She obviously spent time showing him and teaching him about the kind of woman he should marry.  Wise words from a wise mother!

Starting in verse 10 we read: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”  What an encouragement this is to me!  A woman like this is valuable, much more valuable than riches.  Do you ever feel like you aren’t worth very much?  Don’t let this lie continue in your mind.  A godly wife is worth more than any amount of money and jewels. That makes the work it takes to be a noble wife completely worth all of the effort.

Verse 11 says, “ Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” What this means is that she is trustworthy!  Her husband can leave the home in her charge and trust that she will manage it well. He knows that she will be a good steward of their finances and belongings and he doesn’t have to worry about her ability to handle things.  I’ll be honest and say this is an area I need to work on.  I am an emotional girl and I can tend to “lose it” in difficult circumstances.  But, I want to be the kind of wife who is steady and strong and can be trusted.  

And then, the verse that sums up the whole chapter, verse 12, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” John MacArthur describes it like this:

“She does him good and not evil. She always always does what's best for him. She pursues his best interests. She strengthens him. She builds him up. She encourages him. She sees it as her role to do good to this man. He is providing for her and for all those in her care in that home…and he in providing all of that is worthy of her best. She does him good. She never takes things from him, not his money, his possessions, his resources, or his reputation. She never speaks evil of him so that those in the home would learn to distrust him because of her testimony of his absence of character. She does him good not evil. She does everything to build him up. And then it adds most interestingly this note, all the days of her life. Isn't that interesting? All the days of her life. In other words, her love for him is based upon such high spiritual principles that it doesn't fluctuate with the circumstances of life. When you get married you no doubt have affirmed the vow that you will live together in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want. And that's a vow that this woman kept. Good times, bad times, weak times, strong times, sick times, well times, happy times, sad times, plentiful times, empty times, all times, all her life she did him good.”

Wow!  What a statement to be said of a woman.  She brings him good, not harm, ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.  I can tell you absolutely that I haven’t done that.  Let’s remember that the Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t a real woman.  It is a description a mother gave to her son of what to look for in a wife.  So before we throw in the towel and say, “I can’t ever be that woman!” it’s good to just breathe and ask God to help show us the areas we need to work on.  Already, in the first three verses I know one particular thing I need to pray about and submit to the Lord for his help.  Will you join me in praying and mediating on these verses?  Just think about what God could do with a few wives who are joyfully learning and growing in these areas!  I am excited to see how He uses me in my marriage and family as these truths take root. 

Part two to come!

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica

Perfection Vs. Laziness

This is a blog post that has been running through my mind for awhile but I have avoided writing it for fear of offending someone.  The last thing I want to do is to seem like I am being judgmental, but I also want to edify and encourage other moms, so I decided that since this is an area I struggle with, I might not be alone!

I read a lot of blogs.  And a theme of many mommy blogs seems to be: “Let go of perfection!  Don’t be so hard on yourself!  You can’t do it all!”  Let me start by saying, I wholeheartedly agree.  Too often we are trying so hard to be all that we think we are supposed to be to each person in our life that we find ourselves completely spent.  And many times that leaves our relationship with God lacking, or our marriage struggling.  I absolutely agree with all of these posts, that we need to let go of perfection and allow some things to drop in order to do the things that matter. 

Here is the problem, I have known many people who take that encouragement too far (including myself).  It is almost like a badge of honor these days to say that we are just so busy and our house is a mess, or that we can’t get everything done.  And if those things are true because we truly are focusing on the most important things (God, marriage, family) then good!  But if it is simply because we are being lazy, not good!  If the laundry isn’t done because we have run out of time while putting God and family first, wonderful! But if the laundry isn’t done because we wasted our day with TV, Facebook and laziness, that is sin. There is a fine line here that I think we cross in both directions.  Of course we can’t be “pinterest perfect” all of the time, nor should we be.  But if our home and family are in shambles constantly and our life feels like chaos, something isn’t right.  

If I am honest with myself, I have to admit that there are enough hours in the day most of the time to do all that I need to do.  Of course, there are times where that isn’t true. All kinds of things (newborns, sickness, family issues, work deadlines, vacations, etc.) can mess up our schedule and that’s ok.  That’s just life.  My problem is when it becomes a habit, when our homes are more often than not full of chaos instead of peace.  I just don’t think that is how God made us to live.

I think it is a good idea for us to take stock, every so often, of all the things in our lives.  Some commitments are non-negotiable.  Our relationship with God, our marriage, raising our children, managing our home, these are our primary callings as women according to God’s word (See Titus 2).  If anything else we are doing makes us neglect these areas, we must humbly and honestly bring it to the Lord and ask for His wisdom and direction.  Many things are good, but the question we need to ask is are they best.  

I know these issues are small in the scope of all that is going on in the world.  And I must be very careful to fix my eyes on Jesus in all things and live life with an eternal perspective.  I realize that laundry getting done doesn’t make or break eternity.  But, I also need to be faithful to my calling, which is to manage my home for God’s glory, to provide a loving and peaceful place for my husband to recharge, and to give my children a safe and comfortable place to grow physically and spiritually.  That may not be earth shattering, but it is important to them so it should be important to me!  

One other encouragement: let’s not judge each other.  Some of us struggle with perfectionism and some of us struggle with laziness.  They can both be sin and in a lot of ways are two sides of the same coin.  One is not better or worse than the other.  Unfortunately, they can both affect a family in negative ways.  May we each seek God and see where we could be better, and then make those changes!  May we be willing to let go of those things that hinder our calling, even things we may enjoy, in order to do what is best for our families.  And may we find grace at the cross when we fail!  Praise God for his mercy to me!

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica

What I Want For My Children

I often hear people talk about things they want for their children.  They usually include things like health, happiness, success, that they would follow their dreams, etc.  But to be honest, this type of list rubs me the wrong way.  If God allows my children to have those things, that’s wonderful.  But while that list may make us feel good, it isn’t scriptural.  God didn’t promise us any of that.  I have been really focusing lately on praying for my children in several specific areas.  I am sure you could add things to my list, but these are the things that I greatly desire for my children.

1. Salvation: More than anything else in this whole world, I want my children to be saved.  This is a burden that I carry everyday and I often find myself uttering prayers throughout the day, nearly begging God to redeem them, to show Himself to them and to call them to repentance and salvation.  Apart from this, NOTHING else matters.

2. A calling or mission: I am praying now that God places in each of my children something to DO for His kingdom.  Maybe it will be being a doctor or a missionary, or maybe it will be being a mom. No matter what it is, I am praying that Oran and I will have the wisdom to see their strengths and to be able to encourage them in their calling.

3. Holiness: More than just being saved, I long for my children to be like Christ.  And that will be a long and difficult process (as it is for all of us).  I pray that they will submit to authority, learn from those who have gone before them, and seek to honor God in all that they do.

4. Strength to endure persecution:  This is a difficult one to even type, but the truth is hard to deny.  This world is only going to get harder for Christians.  Because of that, I am praying for my children to have strength when the persecution comes and that God would prepare them to stand firm on His Word and to have peace in each situation that comes along.  I pray they would point others to Christ by the way they endure.

5. Godly spouses: Oh what a difference it makes in a family to have a godly spouse.  This single choice could literally make or break a person’s life.  I daily pray for God to bring about the right person for each of them, someone who is also a Christ follower and will encourage them in their calling and in holiness.

Just to make sure you understand, I am NOT super spiritual in any way just because this is my list of what I want for my children.  I struggle greatly with letting go of the superficial desires and instead focusing on things that are more eternal.  But I am asking God to help me as I train my children, to put my efforts and prayers toward these kinds of things and not just hoping that my kids will be happy, healthy and successful. The truth is, in order for my children to grow in holiness they will have to be refined.  It may come about by hard times, as it did for me. In order for them to be strong in their faith, they may have to first be weak and learn to depend only on God.  That may mean that they will not always be happy and they may spend time sick or sad or lonely. I have been all of those things, and wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything because they helped to grow my faith.  I want that for my children, no matter what God has to take them through to get them there.  Is that easy? NO!  But it is my heart’s desire.  

And when it isn’t my heart’s desire, I am asking God to show me, convict me and change me to be more like Him and to want what He wants, for His glory and for my children's good.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Jessica

Things I learned from my father

In honor of Father’s Day, I thought I would share a few things that I learned from my dad.  This is my meager attempt at a Father’s Day gift. Hope you enjoy!

1. Jesus - first and foremost, my father taught me about Christ.  My earliest memories involve church, Bible stories and singing praise together as a family.  I never knew a time that Jesus wasn’t part of my life, even before He saved me personally.  I am so grateful for that, because I know it is rare.  My testimony may seem “boring”, but I wouldn’t change it for anything!  More than anything else, I am so glad my father showed me Jesus.
2. MUSIC - My dad is truly the most musically talented person I have ever known, and I have known LOTS of musicians.  He was my first piano teacher and then continued to be my musical mentor throughout my whole life.  He taught me about music theory, music history, worship, performing, composing, recording and the list goes on and on.  He encouraged me in every musical endeavor and was the primary factor in my choice to major in music.  And, then as an adult, he helped me through my Master’s degree in music and we spent 7 wonderful years as colleagues in teaching music at a college.  I honestly have no idea what my life would be like if it hadn’t been for the HUGE impact he had in this area.  It is such a blessing to still be serving in the music ministry beside him.
3. To not give up on the church - This will probably be a longer blog post in the future, but let me just say that our family went through a lot in ministry.  Church splits, lies, rumors and continual disappointment were so hard and I watched my parents go through all of it.  After all of that, my dad is still ministering by being an Elder and serving in music ministry. I am continually amazed at how he pushes hurtful things aside and focuses on serving Christ.  What a beautiful testimony that has always been to me. Even when I would want to give up on the body of Christ, my dad never has and I respect him so much for that.
4. Humility - I mentioned earlier about my Dad’s talent and yet, he has always been completely humble.  He knows his own weaknesses and has never let his gifting puff him up. Music ministry is an easy place to get a big head, with people seeing your abilities and often commenting on it on a weekly basis.  But I have never seen my father be prideful or put himself on a pedestal.  His humility has been a wonderful example to me as I have followed in his footsteps in being part of music ministry.
5. Humor - If you don’t know my dad very well, this may be a surprise because he can be so quiet, but my dad is one of the funniest people I know.  He has a really dry wit and he has always made me laugh.  I think that I got my sense of humor from him and I am thankful for that.
6. To drive - My dad was the best driving teacher ever.  He was calm and patient and never made me feel nervous.  Even when I would do something stupid, he would remain steady and lovingly show me the right way.  Learning to drive was a very stress free thing for me and I know it was because of my dad.
7. The kind of man to marry - of all the things I am thankful for about my dad, this is one of the things at the top. Growing up with a godly, loving father made me confident that it was worth waiting for that kind of man to marry.  I never was tempted to settle for less because I knew how important it was to have a husband like my dad.  When I got to know Oran, I was mostly struck by his wisdom, his gentle nature and his strength, which are all things I saw in my dad as well.  I am so grateful for that lesson and know that my girls will grow up seeing the same example in their dad.
8. Tithing - There was never a Sunday morning I don’t remember seeing my mom or dad write the tithe check before we headed to church.  It was just something they did.  Even in the difficult times of job loss and uncertainty, they never skipped giving to the Lord.  And to be honest, I don’t even remember them explaining that to us, it was just something I saw them do and it stuck with me.  When I went to college and had a small little stipend for being an RA, I got $62.50 every two weeks.  I never even thought about it, I just gave the $6.25 to my church almost as a reflex.  I was glad to do it, because I saw my father lead our family to do it.  What a precious lesson!
9. To cook - Most of the basic cooking I learned before heading to college came from my dad. He taught me to make scrambled eggs and hamburgers.  He taught me how to chop vegetables and how to make coffee (even thought I don’t drink it).  He showed me how to grill meat.  I’ve learned a lot of things since then as well, but the basics came from him and I so thankful for that! 
10. My worth - Every girl goes through awkward years, and I went through a lot!  I also struggled through difficulties with friends and often questioned my value and my beauty.  But, I never wondered what my dad thought of me.  He complimented me on things I did, always told me I looked beautiful and encouraged me in my talents and gifts.  I know that I avoided many pitfalls that girls can fall into because I had a dad that instilled in me my worth and value to God.

My dad would be the first to admit that he has many flaws. We all do!  But by God’s grace, he has been used mightily in my life to shape me into the woman I am today.  Dad, you will never fully understand how thankful I am for you, but just know that I love you and appreciate you more each year.  The only thing better than having you for a dad is my kids getting to have you as a Grandpa.  I love you!

Soli Deo Gloria,

Jessica

Big News from the Woodworth Family

I want to take a few minutes to share with you some big events going on in our family.  It is an exciting and scary time for us and we would greatly appreciate your prayers!

Since our dating days, Oran and I have discussed adoption.  And when we experienced infertility issues, we had actually begun to research our options and then found out we were pregnant with our precious oldest daughter. The next few years were filled with baby, baby, and baby and for that we are so grateful!  But, the call to adoption never really left our hearts.  After learning about orphans during Christmas time 2012, our sweet 5 year old began to ask us when we were going to “bring home an orphan.”  It was a sweet sentiment and we smiled about it, but over the next few months she kept asking.  Sometimes before bed she would ask me to pray and ask God to bring us an orphan who needed a home.  

During Christmas time 2013, Oran and I started talking seriously about it again.  Our Little Guy was 1 and was finally sleeping through the night, our new home was pretty much done being remodeled and there just didn’t seem to be anything left we needed to wait for anymore.  So we began to talk and pray.  For various reasons, that would take too long to explain, we settled on trying to do the Foster to Adopt program through the State of Missouri.

To be honest, this option has always scared me.  I think I have always been afraid of the “baggage” that might come along with a child in foster care.  I am pretty comfortable in my little life and I have struggled to give up control of whatever may come.  But the Lord has been persistent in working on my heart and has brought me great comfort.  And Oran continually reminds me that maybe that is the exact reason this is what we should do.  Those children need homes, they need love and they need the Lord.  We have all three of those things in abundance and we just simply feel God calling us to step out on faith and trust Him.

Here is where things stand.  We sent in our application and completed fingerprinting in February.  From March through April we completed the 9 classes required for Foster parents and also completed the set of home studies.  Lots of paperwork, references, medical releases, etc. followed!

We are now officially licensed by the state of Missouri as Foster parents and are waiting for a placement.  We are looking for a child under 5 (we have decided it is important for “Butter” to remain our oldest child). While we aren’t looking to be “Foster parents” in the typical sense, with children sort of coming and going all the time, we do know that there is a very good chance that the first child who comes to us won’t necessarily be the one we are able to adopt.  Our plan, unless God leads us differently, is to just take one (or two if it is a sibling set) at a time and continue through the whole process, whether it leads to adoption or reunification. Our ultimate goal is adoption, but it doesn’t always happen quite that easily.  We are available to welcome a child into our home starting in July due to our big vacation that has already been planned for June.

Will you please join us prayer?  Here are 3 specific things we would appreciate you praying about:

1. Our future child(ren): Please pray for our precious little one, who may or may not already be born and enduring awful things.  Pray for God to guide each step to lead him or her to our family.

2. Our other kiddos: This is a difficult process to explain, and while we have tried to be open and honest about all the possibilities, our children are going to be affected by not only the addition of another child to our home, but also by the goodbyes that may happen. Please pray for God to protect their hearts and to give them compassion and understanding beyond their years.

3. Opportunities to share Christ:  This process is opening up a whole new world of people to us. We will be having interactions with not only children, but birth parents, caseworkers, lawyers, juvenile officers, etc.  Please pray that we would be faithful to share the gospel and bring glory to God each step of the way.

We so appreciate each of you that have walked this journey with us so far.  We will keep you updated as best we can, and are so thankful for your prayers. While there is much apprehension about the unknown to come, we also are resting greatly in the knowledge that God is Sovereign over everything, even where government agencies and other people are concerned!  We know that our child will always be in His hands, even as we wait for him or her to be in ours.  

Soli Deo Gloria,

Jessica

It's hard to imagine adding another one to this group of sillies!

Things I Learned From My Mother

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I would write a post about things I learned from my mom.  I actually had to limit my list, because I kept coming up with more things, so I settled on 10.  Enjoy!

1. Jesus - first and foremost, my mother taught me about Christ.  My earliest memories involve church, Bible stories and singing praise together as a family.  I never knew a time that Jesus wasn’t part of my life, even before He saved me personally.  I am so grateful for that, because I know it is rare.  My testimony may seem “boring”, but I wouldn’t change it for anything!  More than anything else, I am so glad my mother showed me Jesus.
2. How to serve in ministry alongside your husband - for my entire childhood, my dad was a minster of music and so I watched my parents serve God and his people together for all of those years.  I saw them in the good times and the bad times of ministry and I learned so much from seeing my mom support my dad.  She served with him, sang with him, prayed for him, and encouraged him in the rough times.  I learned so much from her in that area and now that I am the wife of an Elder, I think often about her example and try to be like her!
3. Stage presence - I have no memories that don’t involve my family singing together.  I sat and watched my parents sing together and lead worship hundreds of times, and then when I got old enough, I joined them. One thing that has always stuck out to me is that my mom truly shows on her face and with her hands the words she is singing.  She is beautiful to watch and I learned a lot about how to lead others in worship by watching her.
4. Teaching Skills - I am not exaggerating when I say that I believe my mom is one of the most gifted teachers I have ever known. I have seen her teach a lot throughout her 30 year career and I so appreciate that she is still using her gifts not only in her job but at church by teaching Sunday School, Family Quest and VBS.  ANYTHING I have learned about teaching pretty much came from watching her. As I begin this homeschooling adventure, I am so thankful to know I can go to her with questions anytime.  She has such a special ability to interact with children in a way that makes them feel special, but also sets high expectations for their behavior and learning. I want to be that way with my kids!
5. Emotions are ok - If you know my family at all, you know that we are an emotional group! And, while sometimes I wish I had more control over my tears, I am thankful for a home that was always a safe place for tears, hurts and fears.  My mom was always the main person I talked to about about the things going on in my life and I never felt belittled in any way for my feelings.  I am a better person because of that safe space she created for me.
6. Affection - My mom was very affectionate with us.  Hugs, kisses, holding hands, rubbing our hair, it didn’t matter. She made me feel loved every day.  One of my favorite memories as a child is that EVERY week in church, mom would stroke my head during the sermon.  If she ever stopped, I would grab her hand and put it back on my head :) because I loved that feeling so much.  I am trying to be this way with my kids.  Affection shows love, and I never doubted that I was loved.
7. Cleanliness/Order - As much as I hated chores as a kid, I am so glad that my mom set such a good example in keeping a home. She was orderly and consistent and taught me all about cleaning, laundry, etc.  I know how to keep my home because of her and even though I went through some messy years as a teenager, I am a neater person now, because of her.  
8. How to shave my legs (and other girly things) - My mom was the best at helping me through each step of becoming a woman.  Even the scary parts were easier because she was honest, open and helpful.  I know that not every girl has a godly woman to guide her through those changes and so I don’t take it for granted that I did. She always spoke highly of womanhood and helped me to see what a gift God had given me in my femininity.  With two daughters of my own, I am grateful to have had such an example as I begin to navigate those same waters. (Yikes)
9. Manners - Both of my parents were raised in the south and because of that, they were sticklers for manners.  Yes mam, Yes sir, napkins in laps, elbows off the tables, and on and on it went.  As a child, it often annoyed me, but for the most part they made the learning process fun and I am not a savage animal because of their training!  And more specifically, my mother showed me daily how a classy, graceful woman should carry herself.  Unfortunately, I didn’t inherit her grace and instead am the clumsy type, but I learned so much from watching her.
10. Redemption - If you have heard my mother’s testimony, you know that God redeemed her out of so much.  Her story has always meant a lot to me, first because I am so thankful to the Lord that He called her to salvation. But, also because it reminds me that there is no hopeless situation.  Our history is NOT our destiny.  Her life has been a constant reminder to me of God’s redeeming power!

My mom would be the first to point out that she wasn’t perfect.  Just like all of us, she has her weaknesses. Any good in her life, is from Christ alone!  But, I do want to take this moment to say: Mom, I am so grateful for you.  I know that you have struggled with hurtful comments and doubts about who you are.  Please hear this: You were a wonderful wife and mother, you are a still a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother, and you are becoming more like Christ each day.  I look up to you and I love you.  All of your work and effort has not been in vain, and it hasn’t been unnoticed.  I am who I am because of you.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Jessica