I thought that since so much of life has been serious lately, it might be fun to lighten things up. I hope you enjoy this peak into our home!
Y’all, here is some serious honesty and full disclosure. My son was the HARDEST kid to potty train in the history of the world. I’m absolutely sure of it. He just didn’t get it. I tried everything! I had advice from so many well-meaning friends and family. I read every blog. We tried charts and stickers and candy and potty-parties. We tried pull-ups and bare-bottom and everything else we could think of. And still, he wasn’t ready. I gave up several times and endured all of the Facebook posts about other people’s 1 year olds who asked to go potty and hadn’t had an accident in a week. I felt like a failure. I truly believed he might be the first kid ever to start kindergarten in pull-ups.
But guess what? One day, he just simply got it. I woke up one morning after not trying for about 2 weeks and decided that we would try again. I made a cute little potty chart and showed him that he would get a sticker for each time he had success. And after the chart was filled, he would get a toy that he had been wanting. I have no idea why, but that day it just clicked. He sat on the potty and went and within a few days, he had filled the chart! He was way older that I thought was normal, but it finally happened!
I’ve been thinking a lot about those weeks of struggle (ok…months). I wasn’t always the kindest, most loving mother through them. But I did learn a few things.
*Patience is developed over time. I am not naturally patient, I’m not sure many people are. But I want to be. The irony is that experiences which are hard and try our patience are the very ones that develop patience in us. As frustrating as it can be, the only way to become more patient is by going through situations that cause us to wait. I feel that I experienced some growth in this area, so I guess I should thank my little guy. And I’m going to continue to need to grow in patience because the stubbornness he displayed in potty training is in full bloom in his little personality now that he is 4!
*My worth as a mother isn’t determined by what my children do. You would think that with my 3rd child I would have learned this already, but motherhood isn’t a comparison game. It just simply can’t work like that. Every child is so uniquely different. So just because a friend’s kid can read at age 3 or go potty at age 1 doesn’t mean I’m a terrible mother if mine can’t. Let me be honest and admit that I struggle with this so much. I think it’s made worse because I homeschool, so a part of me feels like I have to prove to the world that my kids are doing just as well as other kids. God gently (or not so gently) reminded me through potty training that this attitude is sin and it is rooted in pride. I literally did everything I was capable of doing to help my son learn to use the potty and it didn’t work. His inability was absolutely no reflection on my abilities. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. And I think some of you need to hear that.
*Forcing things isn’t always the best choice - MANY times I tried to force my little man to use the bathroom. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that more than once he woke up with a dry pull-up, I put him on the potty and then we sat there for an HOUR! I just knew that he would eventually go but then would finally have to admit defeat. (And of course, as soon as a pull-up was back on, he would fill it up within minutes. GRRR.) I thought that my strong will could outlast his strong will, but I was SO wrong. He just simply wasn’t ready. He just did not have the understanding and physical ability to make it happen. Forcing him only made us both frustrated. I was reminded that trying to make things happen just because it’s what we want isn’t always wise. Sometimes God is calling us to wait and to trust Him.
*Seasons come and seasons go - By God’s grace, my little guy and I survived the potty training season. Here we are nearly a year after starting the process and it’s over. We succeeded. What a precious reminder to me that in life, difficult seasons tend to be just that - a season…a period of time that comes and eventually goes away. Not always, but most of the time. I must remember that when I am in the midst of a hard time. Hold on to Jesus and trust that the clouds will lift and the light will shine again. And, in the midst of good times, we can’t take them for granted. The days we are in will not last forever.
One day, when my son is off living his own life, I will probably long for the days that he was little and even the frustrating potty experience will make me smile (I’m not there yet). So today I am choosing to breathe deeply, love my husband, enjoy my children and thank God for this day, the good and the bad. Because tomorrow, things could be different.
And for those of you right now in the trenches of little kiddos, when every day seems the same and like you will never be through this phase of life: I see you, I feel you, and I love you. Keep doing the hard and good work God has given you. Trust me, you will get through it and to the other side. And it will be worth it. I know this, because now we don’t have to buy diapers and pull ups anymore!! Praise the Lord!
Soli deo Gloria,
Jessica
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