As most of you know, our family recently became a foster family. While we have been licensed for a year and a half, we just received our first placement in October, a precious little baby girl. This experience has been completely different than I expected. In some ways, it’s been easier than I was prepared for. I assumed we would have young children in our home, and I prepared for their behavior issues and their trauma. But, since the child that came to us is just a baby, there is none of that. The transition to having her in our home has been relatively simple and most of the “issues” with that have been just adjusting to having 4 kids and to having a baby again.
However, in many ways, this has turned out to be MUCH harder than I prepared for. I had no idea how emotional it would be. I had no idea how much parental visits and court dates and doctor appointments would affect our daily schedule and comfort. I had no idea how much drama there would be in her birth family or how hard it would be for her fate to be completely out of my hands. Friends, this is tough.
I never in a million years expected to be a foster parent. In fact, Oran and I have always felt called to adoption, not fostering. But for some reason (that I don’t fully understand) God led us to adoption through the road of fostering. Each road to adoption is complicated. In order for adoption to even be a possibility or a necessity, there must first be brokenness. But fostering to adopt has a unique set of challenges because the truth is we don’t know if we will ever adopt this little girl. It isn’t even up to us. It’s completely out of our hands. So all we can do is love her and take care of her and if in the end there is no one else left, we will be her family. And if she does go back to her family, we will have to start all over again with another child.
I have been doing a lot of thinking and questioning lately. I’ve done a lot of talking to God, and I am so thankful He can handle that. I have told Him that this is too hard, that I’m not strong enough to do what He is asking. I’ve begged Him to heal this little girl’s mother so their family can be whole and in the same sentence, I have begged him to let her stay with us. Ultimately I just continue to say, “not my will, but Yours” over and over because I truly do trust in God’s sovereignty in every situation.
And in all of my prayers, God has continually placed this thought in my head and you may need to hear it too. “Just because it is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t good.” Let that settle in. I think we often think that hard equals bad. When it hurts, we get out of it. Just look at the culture we live in: Marriage is too tough? Get a divorce. Don’t want to have a baby? Get an abortion. Church not meeting your needs? Find another one. Anything that is a struggle, anything that brings us pain, our first instinct is to run. And, I’m not judging here. My instinct is the same. I’ve been thinking it too.
But then God whispers truth to my heart. He says:
“I am with you always…”
“You can do all things through me…”
“Nothing can separate you from my love..”
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness…”
“Come to me, and I will give you rest…”
“Be strong and courageous…”
“Rejoice in me ALWAYS…”
You see, sometimes the very thing God wants us to do IS the hard thing. It’s the thing we simply can’t do on our own apart from him. And because of that, He gets the glory. Any good that is coming from our efforts isn’t because of us. It’s because of Christ IN us. We aren’t better than anyone else or more holy. He is the one giving us the daily grace to endure.
We have a long road ahead of us. This sweet baby girl could go home in 2 months, or 2 years, or never. We could have to send her away to what we KNOW is a bad situation and we will have no control over that. The only way we will have the strength to do it is because we also know that the one who truly decides her fate isn’t a judge, it’s God. And He loves her even more than we do. We are placing her in His hands…and there isn’t a better place for her to be.
Can I ask you a question? What is your hard thing? What is the thing God may be asking of you but your fear of hardship is keeping you from stepping out in faith? It might be fostering (the Lord knows more loving families are always needed!) but it might also be reaching out to a neighbor who intimidates you or moving across the country and out of your comfort zone, or letting go and forgiving that person who has hurt you. I have no idea what your hard thing is. But I can tell you this for sure: obedience is always better than disobedience in the end.
Hard doesn’t equal bad. Sometimes hard equals best.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Jessica
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