My Anchor

I haven’t written a blog in several months.  And it isn’t because I haven’t had things to say.  It’s been because so much has been going on in my life and in the lives of those I love that I have been overwhelmed.  So many thoughts, so much confusion, so much pain, so much change.  Honestly, it has been hard to sort through it all and make sense of what’s going on.  

Over the past few months, I have been feeling what I can only describe as the earth moving beneath my feet.  Some people I love dearly have been going through the darkest of circumstances.  And as I have held their hands, wept with them, prayed fervently for them and just in general tried to walk through the darkness with them, I have felt shaken.  How could things so tragic and difficult happen so close to me?  How would I handle it if they came closer to me, right into my family?  Would I be able to honor God they way I was seeing my friends do?  

And then, right in the middle of those questions and confusion, God asked something hard of our family.  He asked us to move.  To leave our family, our friends, our church, our home, our COMFORT, and step out in faith to a new place.  Again, I felt like the ground beneath me was shifting and I had trouble standing and catching my breath.  The next few weeks were a whirlwind of telling people, tears, packing, praying and more tears.  I feel like I am only now coming up for air.

So here I sit, in my new home, in my new town and I am reflecting on all that has happened in the last few months.  I’ll admit, I’m still processing.  It almost seems like a dream, like I might wake up tomorrow and be back where I was before it all began.  But the truth is, I don’t want to wake up.  Because as hard as it has all been, there has also been evidence of God, in such a strong way, and I wouldn’t want to trade that away for anything, even the comfort I was living in before.  I know Him deeper now, I have experienced His faithfulness in a new way.  The amazing thing is that when things are going well, you can easily say you trust that God is enough.  But when things are hard, and tragedy strikes, you get to experience that He actually IS enough!  

There is a picture that God has repeatedly put in my head.  It’s a picture of a ship, being tossed about by wind and waves, but held in place by an anchor.  I have been thinking of that anchor a lot.  It has felt like I’ve been in that storm.  My ship has been rocking and rolling, and it has made me feel unsteady and scared.  But through all of that, the anchor has stayed secure.  Christ is that anchor.  The book of Hebrews describes our faith as “an anchor for the soul” and that is exactly what I have experienced.  Even though everything around me has seemed shaky, God is strong and faithful and never changing. I can trust my life to Him completely. 

Honestly, I feel nervous about what lies ahead.  I’m nervous about finding a new church home.  I am uncomfortable meeting new people so the thought of making new friends is daunting to me. Starting over is hard, but God is good.  With Christ leading the way, and my husband and kids by my side, I know we will be ok.  Even when the ship rocks, He will hold us firmly where we are supposed to be.  I’m praying that one day I can share in more detail all of the things God has been teaching me lately, but it’s still too raw, too fresh. I’m just not ready.  But please hear this:  you can trust God with everything.  Even death, even doubt, even addiction, even fear. 

This song (My Anchor by Christy Nockels) is my anthem right now.  My kids know every word and sing along because I play it all the time.  Take comfort in this truth, no matter what is going on in your life.

Here within the struggle

And every crashing wave

You are more than able

And your hand is strong to save

My anchor, forever

My shelter in the storm

You’re my deliverer, You never falter

You’re the rock I stand on.