Doing the Hard Thing

As most of you know, our family recently became a foster family.  While we have been licensed for a year and a half, we just received our first placement in October, a precious little baby girl. This experience has been completely different than I expected.  In some ways, it’s been easier than I was prepared for.  I assumed we would have young children in our home, and I prepared for their behavior issues and their trauma.  But, since the child that came to us is just a baby, there is none of that.  The transition to having her in our home has been relatively simple and most of the “issues” with that have been just adjusting to having 4 kids and to having a baby again.  

However, in many ways, this has turned out to be MUCH harder than I prepared for.  I had no idea how emotional it would be.  I had no idea how much parental visits and court dates and doctor appointments would affect our daily schedule and comfort.  I had no idea how much drama there would be in her birth family or how hard it would be for her fate to be completely out of my hands.  Friends, this is tough.  

I never in a million years expected to be a foster parent.  In fact, Oran and I have always felt called to adoption, not fostering.  But for some reason (that I don’t fully understand) God led us to adoption through the road of fostering.  Each road to adoption is complicated.  In order for adoption to even be a possibility or a necessity, there must first be brokenness.  But fostering to adopt has a unique set of challenges because the truth is we don’t know if we will ever adopt this little girl.  It isn’t even up to us. It’s completely out of our hands.  So all we can do is love her and take care of her and if in the end there is no one else left, we will be her family. And if she does go back to her family, we will have to start all over again with another child.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and questioning lately.  I’ve done a lot of talking to God, and I am so thankful He can handle that.  I have told Him that this is too hard, that I’m not strong enough to do what He is asking.  I’ve begged Him to heal this little girl’s mother so their family can be whole and in the same sentence, I have begged him to let her stay with us.  Ultimately I just continue to say, “not my will, but Yours” over and over because I truly do trust in God’s sovereignty in every situation.

And in all of my prayers, God has continually placed this thought in my head and you may need to hear it too. “Just because it is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t good.”  Let that settle in.  I think we often think that hard equals bad.  When it hurts, we get out of it.  Just look at the culture we live in: Marriage is too tough? Get a divorce. Don’t want to have a baby? Get an abortion.  Church not meeting your needs? Find another one. Anything that is a struggle, anything that brings us pain, our first instinct is to run.  And, I’m not judging here.  My instinct is the same.  I’ve been thinking it too.

But then God whispers truth to my heart.  He says:

“I am with you always…”

“You can do all things through me…”

“Nothing can separate you from my love..”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness…”

“Come to me, and I will give you rest…”

“Be strong and courageous…”

“Rejoice in me ALWAYS…”

You see, sometimes the very thing God wants us to do IS the hard thing.  It’s the thing we simply can’t do on our own apart from him. And because of that, He gets the glory.  Any good that is coming from our efforts isn’t because of us. It’s because of Christ IN us.  We aren’t better than anyone else or more holy.  He is the one giving us the daily grace to endure. 

We have a long road ahead of us.  This sweet baby girl could go home in 2 months, or 2 years, or never.  We could have to send her away to what we KNOW is a bad situation and we will have no control over that.  The only way we will have the strength to do it is because we also know that the one who truly decides her fate isn’t a judge, it’s God.  And He loves her even more than we do.  We are placing her in His hands…and there isn’t a better place for her to be.

Can I ask you a question?  What is your hard thing?  What is the thing God may be asking of you but your fear of hardship is keeping you from stepping out in faith?  It might be fostering (the Lord knows more loving families are always needed!) but it might also be reaching out to a neighbor who intimidates you or moving across the country and out of your comfort zone, or letting go and forgiving that person who has hurt you.  I have no idea what your hard thing is.  But I can tell you this for sure: obedience is always better than disobedience in the end.  

Hard doesn’t equal bad.  Sometimes hard equals best.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Jessica

What Love Looks Like

I recently saw a meme posted on Facebook that I can’t get out of my head.  It said, “I won’t have known true love until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.”  I keep thinking about that because it is just so completely untrue.  And it is part of a larger culture we have created about romance that I believe is wrecking marriages and setting up our kids (especially our daughters) for great disappointment and confusion.  Here is what I mean: if a little girl grows up thinking of romance and love being only grand gestures and passionate moments and that is all she knows of love, she will most likely feel let down one day when she begins to experience real life.  And it’s a shame because real, true love is such a beautiful thing and it has nothing to do with running through airports, even though that’s what we see on TV. 

It has gotten me thinking about what I teach my children about love.  I want to point out to them that they see evidence of real, godly love every day, all around them.  The Bible teaches us what love is.  It is patient and kind. It isn’t full of envy or pride.  It is self-sacrificing and forgiving. And true love doesn’t give up and walk away, but NEVER FAILS. Those aren’t easy descriptions to live out.  It takes a lifetime of learning and growing and we still won’t do it perfectly.  I have been blessed with many examples in my life of this kind of love.  I hope these thoughts will help you to recognize true love in your own life.

True love is…

getting up with the crying baby at 2 in the morning so your spouse can have a break.

taking out the trash without being asked

sharing dreams for the future

holding hands 

making his favorite supper just to make him smile

shoveling the snow

taking care of each other when you are sick

praying together over your children

smiling when you see your love walk through the door

kisses before sleep

feeling safe when you are together

knowing each other's likes and dislikes

sacrificing your own wants and putting their’s first

sticking with each other through the hard times

catching each other’s eyes across a crowded room and feeling home

working hard day after day to support the family financially

inside jokes

working hard to keep the home to provide a safe, clean and comfortable refuge

encouraging each other’s gifts and talents

open and honest conversations

lovingly pointing out each other's sins

humbly admitting your own sins and being willing to do the hard work of healing and restoration

forgiving one another over and over again

clinging tight to each other and weeping together as you grieve

being willing to submit to boundaries and accountability in order to protect your marriage

laughing together

pointing each other to Christ

I know that each of you could probably add so many other things, and so could I.  Let’s purpose to honor and celebrate what real love looks like.  It isn’t always flashy or grand.  It’s more often quiet and faithful.  I want to be an example of that kind of love to the watching world in the way that I love my husband and my children.  Because when others see that kind of love in us, they will see Jesus.

On a personal note, I want to say to my husband, Oran: Thank you for being such a wonderful example of godly love to our children.  I'd follow you anywhere.  :) And I love you more than I could ever say.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is LOVE.”

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica

My Anchor

I haven’t written a blog in several months.  And it isn’t because I haven’t had things to say.  It’s been because so much has been going on in my life and in the lives of those I love that I have been overwhelmed.  So many thoughts, so much confusion, so much pain, so much change.  Honestly, it has been hard to sort through it all and make sense of what’s going on.  

Over the past few months, I have been feeling what I can only describe as the earth moving beneath my feet.  Some people I love dearly have been going through the darkest of circumstances.  And as I have held their hands, wept with them, prayed fervently for them and just in general tried to walk through the darkness with them, I have felt shaken.  How could things so tragic and difficult happen so close to me?  How would I handle it if they came closer to me, right into my family?  Would I be able to honor God they way I was seeing my friends do?  

And then, right in the middle of those questions and confusion, God asked something hard of our family.  He asked us to move.  To leave our family, our friends, our church, our home, our COMFORT, and step out in faith to a new place.  Again, I felt like the ground beneath me was shifting and I had trouble standing and catching my breath.  The next few weeks were a whirlwind of telling people, tears, packing, praying and more tears.  I feel like I am only now coming up for air.

So here I sit, in my new home, in my new town and I am reflecting on all that has happened in the last few months.  I’ll admit, I’m still processing.  It almost seems like a dream, like I might wake up tomorrow and be back where I was before it all began.  But the truth is, I don’t want to wake up.  Because as hard as it has all been, there has also been evidence of God, in such a strong way, and I wouldn’t want to trade that away for anything, even the comfort I was living in before.  I know Him deeper now, I have experienced His faithfulness in a new way.  The amazing thing is that when things are going well, you can easily say you trust that God is enough.  But when things are hard, and tragedy strikes, you get to experience that He actually IS enough!  

There is a picture that God has repeatedly put in my head.  It’s a picture of a ship, being tossed about by wind and waves, but held in place by an anchor.  I have been thinking of that anchor a lot.  It has felt like I’ve been in that storm.  My ship has been rocking and rolling, and it has made me feel unsteady and scared.  But through all of that, the anchor has stayed secure.  Christ is that anchor.  The book of Hebrews describes our faith as “an anchor for the soul” and that is exactly what I have experienced.  Even though everything around me has seemed shaky, God is strong and faithful and never changing. I can trust my life to Him completely. 

Honestly, I feel nervous about what lies ahead.  I’m nervous about finding a new church home.  I am uncomfortable meeting new people so the thought of making new friends is daunting to me. Starting over is hard, but God is good.  With Christ leading the way, and my husband and kids by my side, I know we will be ok.  Even when the ship rocks, He will hold us firmly where we are supposed to be.  I’m praying that one day I can share in more detail all of the things God has been teaching me lately, but it’s still too raw, too fresh. I’m just not ready.  But please hear this:  you can trust God with everything.  Even death, even doubt, even addiction, even fear. 

This song (My Anchor by Christy Nockels) is my anthem right now.  My kids know every word and sing along because I play it all the time.  Take comfort in this truth, no matter what is going on in your life.

Here within the struggle

And every crashing wave

You are more than able

And your hand is strong to save

My anchor, forever

My shelter in the storm

You’re my deliverer, You never falter

You’re the rock I stand on. 

Undeserved Gifts

This past Christmas something different happened to me that I don’t remember ever happening before.  Usually, I get a few little gifts from family and I am always so thankful! But, at the age of 35, I hardly ever get big surprise gifts.  I’m just past that stage of life.  This year, however, I got not one but two!  

My husband and my mom each gave me thoughtful, wonderful, expensive gifts that I had wanted for a long time and never would have bought for myself.  Both of them remembered comments I had made way in the past and planned for months what to get me.  I was shocked and completely touched when I opened each gift.  It also reminded me how underserving I am. I am not the best daughter in the world and I certainly fail constantly at being a wife and mother. Yet, somehow, these precious people in my life love me anyway and showered me with completely unwarranted blessings.

It got me thinking about God.  Isn’t that just like Him?  I fail everyday.  I go back to the same sins over and over.  I doubt. I wallow.  BUT. GOD. 

He has given me so much.  Most importantly, He has saved me and given me new life.  If nothing else good ever happened to me, that would be enough.  And beyond that, He continually blesses me with good gifts that too often I take for granted.  I’ll be honest, I’m in a time of frustration in my life as certain prayers aren’t being answered.  I am struggling with God. I am asking Him “Why” so much I’m starting to annoy myself.  I needed this simple reminder at Christmas.  The reminder that no matter what is confusing right now, there is so much to be grateful for.  Everything I have is a gift from God, and I didn’t earn any of it.  

Psalm 144:15 says “Happy are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!”  I know this to be true in my life.  Even thought I don’t always “feel” that way, I am choosing today to cling to the promise.  Will you join me?  Let’s purpose to see God’s good gifts each day.  Even the things that are hard. The waiting, the questions and the confusion are blessings in the long run.  They teach us to depend on God alone for our strength and peace and not on circumstances.  They make us stronger in Christ.  I wouldn’t trade what I am learning in this time for anything.  One day I will look back and see His guiding hand through this time of waiting. I don’t want to miss the beautiful life I have right now just because I am looking ahead to what I don’t have yet.  

So here are a few “gifts” I have been reminded of in the last few weeks as I have been pondering these truths.  May they encourage you to look around and see God’s hand in your life too. And may they spur me on to consider what gifts I can give Him in return.

*baking homemade bread with my daughter

*a hardworking husband who always puts family time first

*loving family and friends who showered my little girl with love for her birthday

*a warm and cozy home

*actual conversations with my little boy as he is learning to talk

*time spent with family grieving and celebrating my Grams

*hearing little voices say "mommy"

*indoor playgrounds

*the joy that comes when I sit down at the piano 

*a mom and dad that are nearby and involved in my family

*hearing my oldest reading

*dear friends who love and encourage me daily

*peace that can only come from Jesus

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica

Children's Book Recommendations

I thought since time is beginning to march quickly towards Christmas, it might be a good time to share some of our favorite children’s books with you.  We try hard to limit gifts at Christmas so it doesn’t become a time of crazy consumerism in our home and to help us focus on Jesus. Because of that, we have adopted this guideline as we buy gifts for our children: something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read.  This means each child gets a book every Christmas and I love to try and make each book meaningful! Trust me, we have lots of silly, fun books full of Disney characters and Elmo!  My kids love those and I have no problem with that.  But I also love to have some books that help us to teach Biblical truths, and there are so many good ones. Here are a few that we have stumbled across and absolutely LOVE!

The Lightlings by RC Sproul

This precious story is my absolute favorite, and Abigail brings it to me frequently to read it.  Whenever I start off by saying, “God is light…” she easily finishes with, “in Him there is no darkness at all.”  It is a beautiful book and the illustrations are just captivating. The story is about a King of Light and his created beings, the lightlings.  Basically, it is the story of the gospel.  One of the best things is that at the end there are discussion questions for parents to use with their kids.

Favorite quote: “You see, Charlie, we’re afraid of the dark because we were made to live in the light!”

The Donkey Who Carried the King by RC Sproul

Another book by the same author (he has SEVERAL great ones) is this sweet story about a Donkey who dreams of doing something great with his life.  One day he gets to carry a king through Jerusalem (spoiler alert: it’s Jesus) and after that he thinks he is too important to do any of the mundane donkey tasks. The book is a great tool in teaching our children to be willing to serve. 

Favorite quote, “If the King was willing to carry that terrible beam, I will not complain about carrying our master’s olives.  I will follow Jesus’ example and be a willing servant.”

God Gave Us Heaven by Lisa Tawn Bergren
Around the time Bethany was 3, she started asking us about Heaven.  I think it was brought about by discussions of her grandma Sheila who passed away before she was born.  Bethany is quite a thinker and she has asked many questions since then, some that are really hard to answer.  I began to look for a book to help her with her curiosity about Heaven. We have the book God Gave Us You by the same author so I thought we would try this one.  It is very sweet and tells the story of a little bear asking his Papa questions about heaven (perfect for our little questioner!)  She loves the book and so do I!

Favorite quote, “ ‘What else will we do in Heaven?’ ‘Worship God and explore the best place we’ve ever seen.’ ‘Will we get bored of that?’ ‘I doubt it! Heaven will be a million times better than even this!’”

 You Are Special by Max Lucado
This amazing book tells the story of a group of people called the Wemmicks.  The spend their time judging each other.  Whenever they like someone or think they are special, they put a star sticker on them.  If they don’t like someone, they put a dot sticker on them.  The book tells of one particular Wemmick, Punchinello, who is covered in dots.  But when he meets the Maker, he begins to learn that the dots are meaningless.  It is such a wonderful story and is great in teaching children that it doesn’t matter what other people think of them, only what God thinks.

Favorite quote, “Remember, you are special because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.”

Big Thoughts for Little Thinkers by Joey Allen
This is actually a set of three books on The Gospel, The Trinity and The Mission.  We have all three and the girls love them!  They take some difficult theological truths and explain them in a very child friendly way, but without watering down the truth.  I highly recommend these to help you in explaining some difficult concepts to your kids.

Favorite quote, “When you ride in an airplane, you don’t need to flap your arms or jump up and down. You cannot help the airplane fly. All you need to do is trust the airplane to get you where you need to go. In the same way, there is nothing you can do to get to heaven on your own. You cannot save yourself. All you need to do is trust Jesus to save you!”

Jesus Story Book Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones
I truly cannot say enough about this wonderful Bible.  The tellings of each story are beautifully written and rich in truth.  The illustrations are lovely.  But, the best part is that each story ends by pointing to Christ.  The author weaves Jesus throughout the whole thing making it so clear that the Bible isn’t a set of unconnected stories.  It is ONE BIG STORY. 

Favorite quote, “Mary and Joseph wrapped him up to keep him warm. They made a soft bed of straw and used the animals’ feeding trough as his cradle.  And they gazed in wonder at God’s Great Gift, wrapped in swaddling clothes, and lying in a manger. May and Joseph named him Jesus, Emmanuel, which means “God has come to live with us.” Because, of course, he had.”

I hope these books give you some ideas for your family!  Praying that we have a wonderful Christmas season filled with family, love, and most of all, CHRIST!

And as a bonus, here are the books I am ordering for our kids this year for Christmas gifts:

What Happens When I Talk to God? by Stormie Omartian

The Big Red Tractor and the Little Village by Francis Chan

If Only I Had a Green Nose by Max Lucado

Soli Deo Gloria,

Jessica

Waiting

It feels like I have spent a lot of my life in times of waiting. Waiting to find my husband, waiting for jobs, waiting for a child, waiting to purchase a home, waiting for answers to prayer, waiting for healing, and on and on it goes.  I’m sure you relate.  I must not have learned all I am supposed to about this topic because we find ourselves, once again in a time of waiting.  After finishing everything to become licensed foster/adoptive parents, we have now spent about 5 months waiting for a placement.  It’s been hard for me and I am struggling every day that this drags on.  I know the truth: that God is sovereign over all things, that He has the perfect child(ren) for us to foster/adopt, and that He will bring it all about in His perfect timing and will.  But while I sit every day with this anxious anticipation in my mind, I sometimes forget the truths I know so well.  

Waiting is hard because it feels like doing nothing.  I’m a doer, I see what needs to be done and I handle it.  So waiting for something outside of my control is a serious test in patience.  I want to be “fixing” the problem. I want to be making phone calls and office visits and finding out what is going on.  But all I can do is pray once again, “Lord, please bring us the right child, in your timing and your will. And help me to trust you today when the call doesn’t come.” And while “only praying” can feel like not doing very much, I know better.  I know that prayer often IS the work He has called us to and it isn’t nothing. 

I have been through much longer and more difficult times of waiting so I have learned many things.  It’s too bad I keep forgetting what I have learned!  I decided I needed to write down  these reminders today, to see them with my eyes and pray they settle in my spirit.  These are truths I KNOW because I have experienced each one in the past. I hope they reach you right where you are today.

1. God is GOOD - this never ever ever changes and I can trust that He has my good in mind, even when I don’t understand my circumstance.
2. God is SOVEREIGN - just because there are case workers, parents, courts, etc. involved in this particular part of our life, doesn’t mean God isn’t there.  He is over all of those things and His Will will be accomplished in spite of, and through, people.  I can trust that.
3. There are many BLESSINGS that come from waiting - I can look back and see a lot of things in my life that came directly from periods of waiting.  A deeper prayer life, wisdom, ministry to others, all of these are blessings God has given me that came through waiting.  I wouldn’t trade any of them!
4. Precious FRIENDSHIPS - I have several close relationships that were built through shared experiences of waiting.  And so many people who have joined us in prayer during certain times of our lives.  These bonds don’t go away and I am so thankful to have built these lasting friendships even though they were built through hard times.
5. PEACE that comes from Christ, not circumstances - Ultimately, I am most thankful for the supernatural peace that God brings to me even when I am questioning why.  It is not from me, and it certainly isn’t from my circumstances.  It can only be from the Lord.  

Well, there you go.  Five things we can rest in today, five things we can be thankful for even as we wait.  I hope and pray that some day in the future I have a different kind of update for you, one about our new foster child and how you can pray for us as we transition.  But today, I only have this: we continue to wait, we continue to pray, we continue to struggle, and we continue to trust in the only One we can.

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica

Proverbs 31 Series #1

If you are a girl who has grown up in the church at all, you have probably been very familiar with the Proverbs 31 woman.  This particular passage of scripture is referenced frequently.  To be honest, even though I have read these verses many times, I have never taken the time to really study them and meditate over them.  I have decided to do that now, and I plan on writing a few blogs as I go through them to hopefully encourage you to join me in seeking to be a wife of noble character!

Let’s be honest up front and admit that this passage of scripture is intimidating.  I read these verses and come away feeling like a failure.  Who can possibly live up to this kind of woman?  The truth is, NONE of us can.  We can’t be completely perfect in every area of our lives and that is why we need Jesus and his grace.  But, that shouldn’t stop us from working to be more and more like this woman, in order to honor the Lord and to be a support to our husbands. 

It’s interesting to note that Proverbs chapter 31 begins by saying, “The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him.”  This whole chapter comes from King Lemuel’s mother.  She obviously spent time showing him and teaching him about the kind of woman he should marry.  Wise words from a wise mother!

Starting in verse 10 we read: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”  What an encouragement this is to me!  A woman like this is valuable, much more valuable than riches.  Do you ever feel like you aren’t worth very much?  Don’t let this lie continue in your mind.  A godly wife is worth more than any amount of money and jewels. That makes the work it takes to be a noble wife completely worth all of the effort.

Verse 11 says, “ Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” What this means is that she is trustworthy!  Her husband can leave the home in her charge and trust that she will manage it well. He knows that she will be a good steward of their finances and belongings and he doesn’t have to worry about her ability to handle things.  I’ll be honest and say this is an area I need to work on.  I am an emotional girl and I can tend to “lose it” in difficult circumstances.  But, I want to be the kind of wife who is steady and strong and can be trusted.  

And then, the verse that sums up the whole chapter, verse 12, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” John MacArthur describes it like this:

“She does him good and not evil. She always always does what's best for him. She pursues his best interests. She strengthens him. She builds him up. She encourages him. She sees it as her role to do good to this man. He is providing for her and for all those in her care in that home…and he in providing all of that is worthy of her best. She does him good. She never takes things from him, not his money, his possessions, his resources, or his reputation. She never speaks evil of him so that those in the home would learn to distrust him because of her testimony of his absence of character. She does him good not evil. She does everything to build him up. And then it adds most interestingly this note, all the days of her life. Isn't that interesting? All the days of her life. In other words, her love for him is based upon such high spiritual principles that it doesn't fluctuate with the circumstances of life. When you get married you no doubt have affirmed the vow that you will live together in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want. And that's a vow that this woman kept. Good times, bad times, weak times, strong times, sick times, well times, happy times, sad times, plentiful times, empty times, all times, all her life she did him good.”

Wow!  What a statement to be said of a woman.  She brings him good, not harm, ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.  I can tell you absolutely that I haven’t done that.  Let’s remember that the Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t a real woman.  It is a description a mother gave to her son of what to look for in a wife.  So before we throw in the towel and say, “I can’t ever be that woman!” it’s good to just breathe and ask God to help show us the areas we need to work on.  Already, in the first three verses I know one particular thing I need to pray about and submit to the Lord for his help.  Will you join me in praying and mediating on these verses?  Just think about what God could do with a few wives who are joyfully learning and growing in these areas!  I am excited to see how He uses me in my marriage and family as these truths take root. 

Part two to come!

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Jessica